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Monday, 26 August 2013

Two souls...

There was a look in her eyes. Something so sad, so overpowering. It was almost as if you could see her whole soul reflected in them. Every single mistake.

Those eyes that once shone brighter than daylight had now gone dull. She didn't mean to but she had to. Goodbyes always killed her and this was bidding farewell to the one person that meant more than anything else. This was farewell to the person who, amidst all the chaos, knew her, understood her. This was adieu to the one person who loved her more than anything else, more than anyone else.

She just stood there in silence, telling a hundred words, but saying nothing at all. Just standing there in the numbness waiting for the seconds to either stand still or pass by so fast that it felt unreal. But nothing was unreal. It was happening and she was causing it. There was not a single soul who knew the reason why she did it, she just did.

That face that once had the most divine halo had gone blank now. She did say goodbye but in a way as if she didn't want to, she didn't mean to. She looked away for she couldn't bear to see the pain she had caused. No one saw this coming, not even her. Everything was fine a few hours ago and now, it was all like a crumbling house of cards that had lost its balance and there was absolutely nothing that could stop it from falling down, piece after piece.

There was no one around and no one ever knew. There were only questions that still remain unanswered for there can be no answer to this. It was always meant to be, it was special and it was strong and they both thought nothing could go wrong. Unpredictability is what makes life so intriguing. It's what keeps us flowing through the motions, making us human.

We all wish for hindsight, and the ability to un-do the moments that crack us up, bring out the worst in us but alas! Nothing ever is picture perfect but that does not mean there can be no perfection.

The rest of the journey was going to be lonely. With overwhelmingly strong regrets. But with the hope that maybe one day, somewhere, somehow, she will be forgiven. She will be loved again.

But right now, she just stood there. Waiting. Regretting. She meant to mend and secure her own heart.
But she ended up breaking two souls. 

Friday, 9 August 2013

Picture abhi baki hai mere dost ... ;)

So, I have been thinking for the past couple of days about about break ups. From the mere word itself, it sounds sad. I mean anything breaking cannot usually mean something good, and specially when it is that special bond you had with the one person who was your sunshine.

A very frequently asked question that I have come across is "why does it hurt so bad?" and I have always remained muffled about this.

It's almost unbelievable how one person can just randomly come in the big picture and affect you and every aspect of you so much that when they are suddenly missing from the picture, you  just don't know what to do! You are so lost and confused and angry and hazed up that even doing simple things like distracting yourself starts to feel like a burden. The only thing that your brain focuses on is the past; and not just any time of the past, just those specific times with that specific someone. And it is honestly admirable how we remember even the  tiniest of detail and also it is shocking how these very tiny details leave the deepest scars. 

People who have, unfortunately, gone through with this might agree with me when I say, the first 3 months are the toughest. They break you into a million pieces again and again and no matter what you do or which song you listen to or where you go, it's like a continuous slide show presentation inside your head all the time. The worst part, there is no stop or pause button, let alone a cancel button. Truth be told, that is needed. Because that emptiness, that void, can only be filled by remnants and broken memories of the person that once filled it, saturated it with such joy that some days felt as good as a dream, a thought from which you never wanted to come out. It comes to such a state that you are almost ready to give up anything and everything to go back to that one day that changed you, so that you can change it. But you can't. And at the end of the day, that remains the reality.

You go back in your head to that last day, to that last minute, to that last second, and replay that last happy moment again and again and again, freeze that moment forever because the moments from then on are the nightmares you never wanted to come true but somehow which did. You question yourself if it was even in the slightest way your fault and after few months, you finally start to realize, your fault or not, what happened has happened, there is no way you can go back for it.

When someone starts to mean more than the world to you and when you start loving someone more than your own heartbeat, there remains constant fear of loss. It's good to be scared; it shows you have something very precious to lose. But when heartbreaks do happen, the only fear you have is of somehow forgetting the person behind all those memories you hold on to. The mere thought of letting go seems so scary that you decide to hold on, no matter how much it scars you. But the brain is an amazing thing, it knows when to remember what and when to move things to the sub-conscience. Those broken picture in your head that keep on coming back to you, in flashes and sometimes even like a constant wave, start to slowly fade away. It takes time, surely, but it does happen. Memories fade, they don't get deleted, instead they just move to your sub-conscience. 

The first and foremost thing you do is forgive the person and then forgive yourself. Know that trying to pin the blame on each other is never really going to get you anywhere. So you smile, be the bigger person and let the regrets go. Hold on to the happy memories because even through the roughest patch, they make you smile, give you hope, show you every cloud has a silver lining and finally you start to put back the pieces of your heart. It is magical how they come back together if you just give it a try.

Funnily, your playlist sees a drastic change, of course, through all these phases. From romantic and honestly cheesy tracks, to super slow tunes heartbreak tracks to moving on tracks, it survives all. And so do you. It's true, time is a fantastic healer. Trust it. It takes away but it gives more.

I am a really consistent believer in the saying that love only happens once, and if it somehow happens again, you are not lucky... you just didn't find love in the first place. Every person is going to find another person with whom they can just be at peace. With one look in their eye, can see their own soul reflected. With one touch can feel all worries drifting away. There can be only person with whom you can be in love with. Truly. Endlessly. Eternally. Beyond all worldly measures. Beyond everything and even beyond that. Where even words fall short. And with a silent whisper a million things can be said. Only one person, whom you will choose to love beyond all discrimination, criticism. For whom you will fight till your last breath. Someone you will protect and respect. Someone you can picture growing old together with. Someone for whom you are willing to wait for all eternity.

Someone you will love,
Now and Forever.